As the Ruin Falls......

"All this is flashy rhetoric about loving you.

I've never had a selfless thought since I was born.

I am mercenary and self-seeking through and through!

I want God, you, all friends merely to serve my turn.

Peace, reassurance, pleasure are the goals I seek,

I cannot crawl one inch outside my proper skin!

I talk of love - a scholar's parrot may talk Greek -

but, self imprisoned, always end where I begin.

Only that now you have taught me, but how late my lack,

I see the chasm. And everything you are was making my heart into a bridge

by which I might get back from exile a grown man....

but now the bridge is breaking....

For this I bless you as the ruin falls. 

The pains you give me are more precious than all other gains."

C.S.Lewis

As this "ruin" of my past life  has crumbled....I must, indeed look "forward" to what lies ahead....because for ANY of us, that is also where hope lies...there is no hope in the past, only memories...good and bad, but what can you build on memories except perhaps warnings.....to you , to others....so I "take heed" lest I fall...into traps, into expectations, into theories, into behaviour and thoughts that drag me backwards.....nope, nope, I will look forward...in hope....to the future....with the experience of the past, the pains of the past, the devestations of the past to motivate and monitor the future....for ME, as a person who is, on some level, worthy of a future of joy.  Joy vs. happiness....next blog....after this move....I may have some time to get settled before I may have to move again. Then, I always DID want to be a gypsy!!!!!  Life is good. Life is what we make it and take for ourselves. Life is a HOUSE. "Not all who wander are lost". J.R.R.Tolkien