Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Oh dear....
Soooooooooo many things come to mind on #3.....but to choose one, I think the first thing that comes to mind is to forgive myself for not being perfect....the perfect wife....the perfect mom.....friend, daughter, sister, aunt....yup, that pretty much sums it up in a really tight nutshell. Mostly being such a rigid mom....raising my boys in fear of failing, I failed. Well, in my own mind anyway..they turned out pretty good as a matter of fact, despite the young, crazy, over religious mom they were given. Many regrets there that I will not go into, but you get the gist of the thing....but I have to choose today to live here and not there...to go forward and not look back except to learn from it....I have learned that I can actually CHOOSE to live my life in the present and the now with full capacity and enjoy every second....I don't have many left and I don't want to waste one more.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Oooooooo.....
Look at me!! I am answering the next ? on the next day!! WoooHoo!! Well....don't get use to it all you millions of people out there that hang on my every word!! ROLMFAO!!! Now....to be serious....if only for a moment....
Which is the answer to ?#2 "what do you love about yourself"? I love the fact that I am diverse. I can be stupid and fun, serious and intelligent, melancholy and overwhelmed with feelings, I can be a pain in the ass and the one you love the most at the same time! Reminds me of that Alanis Morrissette song EVERYTHING.
"I'm the funniest woman you've ever known.
I am the dullest woman you've ever known.
I'm the most gorgeous woman you've ever known
And you've never met anyone as, as everything as I am sometimes."
A living breathing oxymoron. It can be confusing, even to me, but it is what makes me not be bored with myself or the life around me. There is always a different way to look at something....a different facet of the same diamond. Like John Candy said " I like me"! All of my parts are essential in the whole.
Which is the answer to ?#2 "what do you love about yourself"? I love the fact that I am diverse. I can be stupid and fun, serious and intelligent, melancholy and overwhelmed with feelings, I can be a pain in the ass and the one you love the most at the same time! Reminds me of that Alanis Morrissette song EVERYTHING.
"I'm the funniest woman you've ever known.
I am the dullest woman you've ever known.
I'm the most gorgeous woman you've ever known
And you've never met anyone as, as everything as I am sometimes."
A living breathing oxymoron. It can be confusing, even to me, but it is what makes me not be bored with myself or the life around me. There is always a different way to look at something....a different facet of the same diamond. Like John Candy said " I like me"! All of my parts are essential in the whole.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Ummmm....
Well, as you can tell, I did not start this journey right away....I will also NOT answer these questions on a daily basis...I will be doing well to finish them at all, but I do want to give it a try. So....numero uno es....
"Something I hate about myself"....well, I have spent many years and as many dollars in therapy to do the opposite of hating myself, but for this exercise I will look over all I have learned about self loathing....I hate the fact that I love too much. There. I said it. I think over loving is dangerous to my soul (to quote my friend)....it tends to lead me down the path that it will be reciprocated and that is not always the case. I feel at times, like a puppy who just sits and wags its tail waiting for a glance, or a pat on the head, or even dare to believe a ball will actually be tossed for me to play with. I think I am loved, but perhaps not in the way my June Cleaver head dreams it would be like. I am learning though....I am opening my eyes beyond my Cleaver mind and seeing that because we are not all alike, we do not love alike, we do not dream alike, we do not look alike and that is how it should be. Hmmmm...come to think of it, perhaps it is the expectation of that love reciprocated that is the real culprit heh? And then, as always, I have to be the one who does this for myself....to start by loving myself, regardless of others....a life lived in co-dependency is not fertile ground for cultivating this concept, but this too can and will change. It already has......
"Something I hate about myself"....well, I have spent many years and as many dollars in therapy to do the opposite of hating myself, but for this exercise I will look over all I have learned about self loathing....I hate the fact that I love too much. There. I said it. I think over loving is dangerous to my soul (to quote my friend)....it tends to lead me down the path that it will be reciprocated and that is not always the case. I feel at times, like a puppy who just sits and wags its tail waiting for a glance, or a pat on the head, or even dare to believe a ball will actually be tossed for me to play with. I think I am loved, but perhaps not in the way my June Cleaver head dreams it would be like. I am learning though....I am opening my eyes beyond my Cleaver mind and seeing that because we are not all alike, we do not love alike, we do not dream alike, we do not look alike and that is how it should be. Hmmmm...come to think of it, perhaps it is the expectation of that love reciprocated that is the real culprit heh? And then, as always, I have to be the one who does this for myself....to start by loving myself, regardless of others....a life lived in co-dependency is not fertile ground for cultivating this concept, but this too can and will change. It already has......
Monday, November 08, 2010
REALY?!!!
Its almost THANKSGIVING?!!?? Well, Oblahde Oblahda......A friend of mine has been posting this challenge on her blog....I am inspired by it and so decided to do the same....I know no one reads blogs anymore....they have passed the way of the written page...edged out by the supersonic "social networking" places....but alas....I still read books that are printed on real paper, I actually talk to my friends instead of text them....grow my own veggies.....and make things with my hands. Oops.... off subject. Sooooooooooooo.....here goes.....this is for me mostly, to see these things written down somewhere for posterity.....read at your own risk....
this is the list of all the topics:
Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days.
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down.
Day 15 → Something or someone you tried to live without, and can't.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → Your best friend is in a car accident right after you two fight. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs.
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself
this is the list of all the topics:
Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days.
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down.
Day 15 → Something or someone you tried to live without, and can't.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → Your best friend is in a car accident right after you two fight. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs.
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself
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