Well, as you can tell, I did not start this journey right away....I will also NOT answer these questions on a daily basis...I will be doing well to finish them at all, but I do want to give it a try. So....numero uno es....
"Something I hate about myself"....well, I have spent many years and as many dollars in therapy to do the opposite of hating myself, but for this exercise I will look over all I have learned about self loathing....I hate the fact that I love too much. There. I said it. I think over loving is dangerous to my soul (to quote my friend)....it tends to lead me down the path that it will be reciprocated and that is not always the case. I feel at times, like a puppy who just sits and wags its tail waiting for a glance, or a pat on the head, or even dare to believe a ball will actually be tossed for me to play with. I think I am loved, but perhaps not in the way my June Cleaver head dreams it would be like. I am learning though....I am opening my eyes beyond my Cleaver mind and seeing that because we are not all alike, we do not love alike, we do not dream alike, we do not look alike and that is how it should be. Hmmmm...come to think of it, perhaps it is the expectation of that love reciprocated that is the real culprit heh? And then, as always, I have to be the one who does this for myself....to start by loving myself, regardless of others....a life lived in co-dependency is not fertile ground for cultivating this concept, but this too can and will change. It already has......
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